Toss my tresses

You know we all see the lists of 27 things you can do to save money. I read those lists, and found one that I tried. Washing my hair with Apple cider vinegar.

First, I washed my hair with shampoo. As I had used hair spray and wanted to get all of that out. So, I start pouring a small amount of vinegar on the top of my already wet head. Rubbing it in. Then I made a huge mistake. I looked down. My eyes. Oh my fucking god. My eyes were burning like hell.  So i turn towards the shower to rinse out my eyeballs. Fuck. Now the Vinegar is in my mouth. Yuck. Spit. Cough. Cuss. Just when I think it could not get any worse, it went into another hole. Not that one you degenerates. My nose. Somehow, a good bit of it went up my goddamn nose. Now my eyes are watering, I can still taste it, and my nostrils are burning.

Now you are probably thinking, omg, I will never ever put vinegar on my hair. But you should. My hair is soft and feels healthier. Just close your damn eyes. Shut your mouth and don't breathe.

Captain Underpants

Well actually, Princess no under pants.  The story follows.

One of my worst fears is that I am going to miss a pick up appointment.  Last night I dutifully went to bed early enough to be rested when my alarm went off at 5 am.  I set my alarm, at least I thought I did.

I woke up at 624.  My passenger is 35 minutes away.  I need to be there by 7 am.  I peed, brushed my teeth, put on my pants, bra and blouse. No underwear.  There just was not any time to put them on.  I run out the door.  Arrive at her house at 703.

So now I am a little calmer, got her to the airport. Took her luggage out, get back in the car, put the car in drive, it stays in park.  Shit Fuck Damn. I knew what the problem was, a bushing.  a thirty cent bushing.  Call a tow truck. Wait for an hour.

The tow truck driver was a very nice young man in his mid 30's. We are passing time talking about general stuff.  He has children and a wife.  So I ask how many children does he have....9.  What the hell?? 9 kids.  All between 15 and 2.  At this point in the conversation I am very relieved that I had not mentioned that I was not wearing any panties.  Even though I don't carry a uterus, I was afraid that this young stallion could somehow impregnate me!!

He drops me off.  The mechanic knows exactly what needs to be done to fix the car.  As this is a common problem with trailblazers.  He fixes it in 30 minutes. Kristen came to the repair shop so that I could get cash to pay the mechanic.  I hid $4 in her car.  That was fun.  Telling someone that has OCD that you have changed their space by hiding something, is very entertaining.

The car is fixed.  I still don't have any panties on.  I am going to drink some coffee first.  Maybe I will go without panties all day today.  I am going to live on the wild side.

yep.  Princess no underpants.

Radio

A few weeks ago a friend of mine approached me about hosting a radio show.  It is internet radio.  Interesting.

So today I was asked to be a guest on her show.  It was a lot of fun.  Originally I thought I would do a show centered around Uber experiences.  But as I think about it a little bit more, I am leaning more towards just using my natural wit and unique insight on this little world of ours.  I was able to throw in a couple of tidbits today.  It was fun.

So, along with guests, I also am looking for sponsorship.  A business could sponsor the show for as little as $50 a week.

Let me know if you want more information.

Rollin with Roxie out.

Garage Sale Today

OMG. You guessed it, we had so much fun.  We were not very busy.  So, we picked on each other in between customers.

So, this is in the garage sale.

We positioned it over some cookware.  This was strategic.  As everyone that passed by would pick up this ugly thing.

We were waiting for someone to lift up the beard to expose this.

We got very very close.  A hispanic family stopped by.  The mother was going through the clothes that were laid out on sheets.  The daughters, about ages 9 and 18, were browsing the tables.  All of us got real quiet. We were watching the girls.  The oldest girl picked up the caveman doll. She shows it to her younger sister. All of the air was sucked out of the garage where we were sitting.  Because all 4 of us sucked in air at the same time.  Keep in mind that we had an industrial fan blowing on us hard at the time. So to evacuate the entire space of air, was very very impressive.  So she is dangling this thing in front of her sisters face. Shaking it back and forth. The giggles.  Stifling giggles.  There were lips bitten, blood was drawn.  All of us had a look of engaged horror.  But not one of us tried to stop it.  Then she laid the doll down.  The air was released back into the room. We were like oh my god.  That could have been really really bad. Yeah. Really bad. Really really bad.

the funniest garage sale moment ever.

Happy 4th of July

We attended the 4th of July parade in Burleson Texas.  The only reason I went is because Trevor was marching in the parade.  So, here we go.

I drop Trevor and the sousaphone off at the middle school.  I find a sweet spot with plenty of parking and lots of road frontage.  I let Angie know where I am located.  She was running a little late.  So I expected her to come down one of the side streets.  I WAS so WRONG.  That bitch is driving her little red car down the parade route.  A motorcycle cop starts pursuing her, lights on sirens blaring.  She passes me.  I don't know how she could miss me, I was dressed in pink and swinging my arms like a monkey, but she did.  Drove right by me with a motorcycle policeman chasing her in slow pursuit.

After we all got situated, in chairs and the dog, Dazy supplied with water, the parade began.  It was a slow parade 9 fire trucks, and 17 grand marshals. I brought the Allen Patterson bullhorn.  The grand marshals were all in separate cars marked grand marshal.  I got on the bullhorn, you all cannot be grand marshals!!  An old man from car number 3 yelled at me: "Grand Marshals are all purple heart veterans."  Well shit.  Thank you for your service.  Damn.

As mentioned previously, we brought Dazy.  She weighs on the heavy side of 125.  She is great Pyrenees mixed with Australian Shepard. She is a show stopper.  The Mayor of Burleson got off of his float to pet her.  A float of young children went by us, saw the dog, they all gasped at the same time and simultaneously threw candy at Angie and I.  I mean, they pelted us.  Dazy had a lollipop stuck in her tail through the rest of the parade.

We did our thing which consists of making snide remarks and allowed people to pet the dog. When Trevor's band went by us, we were loud and proud.

As long as Trevor is in band, I will attend the parade.

Yeah, we wore matching shirts.